Thursday, May 11, 2006

Clip clop, clip clop...

Every year at this time we get sunny days, with little or no rain and mercury all across Ireland gets vertigo as temperatures creep up into the high teens. We refer to this phenomenon as ‘good weather’ and it happens at this time, year after year, for the solitary reason that I refer to May as ‘exam-time’ (Yes, I am that self-involved).

Being Irish, we tend to react to ‘good weather’ in a unique way. Nowhere is this better evidenced than on a college campus. The slightest bit of sunshine signals the start of a style war. This of course means that no head is complete with out a pair of sunglasses sitting on top. Its time for shorts and a preppy t-shirts for the guys whilst the girls just try and show as much flesh as possible, as tastefully as possible. This year however, no matter what the gender, no outfit is complete without a pair of flip-flops.

Yes, Flip-Flops

The things are everywhere, on men, women and children. I hate them. It’s the noise, you see. Clip clop, clip clop. This library is like a western province of Cheltenham, with ‘Form-before-function’ John and Mary trotting past every minute. Foot-wear simply should not make noise on carpet.

I describe them as ‘form-before-function’, but of course, they're not. As if the noise was not bad enough, flip-flops have the nasty habit of exposing feet for the entire world to see. You see, I have a thing about feet. I don’t like them, they 'freak' me out. Even ‘nice’ feet unsettle me greatly. We Irish, as a rule, have horrible feet. They’re ugly, smelly, disgusting things because we keep them buried in poorly fitting shoes for 363 days every year. However, we don’t let that little fact worry us. When the sun comes out so do the deformed, thick-nailed toes.

And last but not least, flip-flops can’t be good for your feet. Essentially, all they are is a foot-shaped sheet, with some plastic to keep them on. They offer no protection or support to your foot or ankle.

So pretty please can we all come to our senses and agree that flip-flops are nothing but ridiculous, dangerous, ugly nuisances that should not be worn except maybe at the beach.

After all, we Irish really don’t have the feet to pull them off anyway.

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