It started off by her telling us about her evening. She got back from work at about 6 and sat down exhausted to have a drink and a fag. Then her 12 year old son rang up from boarding school wondering was she coming to his show. She went what show. Seemingly her son was in the school production of West Side story. So she had to get up and go to the show. Now you really have to wonder why someone sends a 12 year old son to a bordering school that is near enough that you can go to a school play see it and come back to go drinking in a pub by 10. She was quiet drunk so must have been in the pub for a while. She said the show was terrible, her friend had to point out her son who was the only boy in a dance troop dressed up in a tight costume which she thought was stupid. And she was not impressed by his performance. Myself and my friend both found it strange that a mother would not think what ever her 12 year old son did was amazing.
My friend then asked her what were the guards called out side Buckingham palace. (we had just been at a quiz and it was a disputed question. So we talked about that and that brought up the Irish guards. And how great Tim Collins was, how her first husband died in the Falklands and how Tim Collins was fucked over by a yankiee taxi driver. How all the boys in the army loved him. Her husband then said that he talked to a guy who worked under him. Who said he was a very tough guy. To which she replied that was great. So then she talked about how she went to the same university as we are in. She did History and English and is a solicitor started telling us about Henry the 8th and how he thought the Irish were all monkeys. She also said we oppress women and that she would hate to live in Ireland.
Then she asked me was I from northern Ireland. I said no I am from the south. And she started talking about Northern Ireland. (Oh dear I hear you say) So she was asking me about and I told her my view about it. And I said well what ever the people vote for is fine by me. Then her husband said his grandmother was from Killarny and was it very nice. And I did my bit for the Irish tourist board. He then asked where was the Irish guy from who won the Nobel prise beginning with T. I went Trimble. He went ya where is he from. I said he I think somewhere near Belfast. Then the women went . Ya he fucked up the whole process and “your boys are still fighting.” I went they are not my boys . She went yes they are your boys. Why does Ireland want Northern Ireland. And I said we gave up our claim she didn't believe me.
That was the only time I have ever been basically called a terrorist. Anyway then she went on about Scotland and how she loved the Scottish national party because that would mean that those fuckers would piss off as they are taking all our money. We said but what about all the gas they supply. Her reply was that they did test in the west country and there is more there then in the entire North Sea. We tried to point out that if there was there would be pumping it. But she wouldn't agree. And said that the reason for the Falklands war was oil as well.
Then here husband asked me what do I think of trade unions as she hated them and he was a socialist. I said they are needed but sometimes the leaders get a bit power hungry and try to influence more then their workers conditions. To which she said they are all so and so's and he (the husband) was a Labour supporter. Which he replied “see she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. See I am glad I knew my mother, she was raised by a nanny. I had a mammy she had a nanny.” At which point the women hit her husband and said how dare you talk about my personnel life in public.
At which point we made our excuses and left. As we walked away she said "Nice to meet you you scientist are the future". Once we left the pub we bust out laughing funniest conversation ever in away. And Another reason not to buy the Daily Mail.
That was strangely enjoyable.
Good God that was surreal
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