Sunday, October 23, 2005

Bertie Time

M.C Hammer had Hammer Time now its Bertie Time. So Bertie has made his speech. Wearing a yellowy type Bertie emerge running through the crowd shaking hands as if he was Jerry Springer or Orpah all that we needed to hear to complete the image was for the chant of Go Bertie Go Bertie but alas they opted for the traditional standing ovation. The Fianna Fail party as a collective has never known for it originality. So then he went on to his speech standing between a Irish and EU Flag.. Since 1997 all good things doubled all bad things halved. This was all Fianna Fails doing and aren’t we great. Nothing to do with chance just Fianna Fail.

Now in this value driven culture it took Bertie around 5 minutes to mention the word value. Stating that they were not a penny pinching government shortly after. But of course there are not they spend money like there is no tomorrow perhaps if they were we wouldn’t have had the PPARS scandal. More penny pinching I say.

Next he went on to health care and Bertie displayed his vast knowledge of health by saying it is about Care and Cures. He admitted that they have not solved A and E crisis which was big of him. He reported that they have initiated a checking hygiene well better late then never and that public patients are treated as equal

He said 900 more beds in hospitals from 2001 why not say 1997 like everything else in the speech. SOmething to do with Closures in beds prior to 2001?.

The big news was the investment in transport which is to be the largest investment in the history of the state. Note to self invest in shares of consultant companies.

In the week that a report came out saying that the LUAS has done little to ease congestion Bertie told the audience of the huge success that is LUAS. Then he said real republicanism done by projects like that. Then he said new radical investment in university research coming up.

Bertie does his geailge bit. Reading his auto cue very intently more then he had for the rest of the speech. His eyes started playing what seem to be a game of pong. Going from the left auto cue to the right auto cue ping pong ping went his eyes.

Then comes “peace is at heart Fianna Fail”. The guns are silent and Ireland at peace and this gets a standing ovation. In the euphoric clapping and cheering no one seemed to remember that the loyalists guns are not silent. Or in Bertie’s Ireland are loyalists not part of it? He then goes on about the greatness of the good Friday agreement how we have had revolution without rebellion and how Ireland has come from under the shadow of the gun man. He follow this up with talk of commemorating the 1916 rising .

Shoulders to shoulder with history Fianna Fail lead to IRA decommission or so he says. Then came the comic cue . When talking about the IMC reports and whether they have decommission or not Bertie looked into the camera and said “I hope they are”. Changing the booming leaders voice to something from a Kerrygold add. I hope they got the horse France.

Then came the clich├ęs “WE are the history makers” “A new republic is born” “We live for the Irish people” and with a “Fianna Fail believes in Ireland” Bertie ended. With that the Ministers rallied round and Bertie salutes the crowd Niamh Brannach stands on his right hand side and he kisses her on the check. The mobsters kiss of death or a signal to his successor only time will tell.

3 comments:

Frank said...

Simon,

are you sure that wasn't the prime minister of Sierra leone you were watching? Yesterday's Evening Herald cast some doubt on the flag used on Friday night.

Simon said...

maybe it was :)

garryg said...

not sure if people have seen this was a post on boards.ie a while ago. but still is funny. check out the Batman cartoon at www.langerland.com, basically mary harney as batman and bertie ahern as robin, has brian mcfadden as a bummer in it!!