Top 6 Friday: Decisions Made in a Drunken Stopor

6. To Drink Until the Morning and Beyond

That feeling of being invulnerable and wanting to embrace the night and all it has to offer, determined neither hangovers nor daylight nor the entire breakdown of your organs will stop you,. So many great intentions, so little follow through. Succeeding with this decision is of course possible but can result in uber hangovers, financial devastation and disownment.

5. To Go on a Holiday

Oh my God that sounds so great, how in my sober mundanity did I ever not realise the craic that could be had with you a bunch of people I may not know that well, but am determined to go on a trip with now that I have alcohol replacing blood in my body. So many promises, so much enthusiasm, so much blunt force of the reality of life the next day meaning all this determination falls to nothing. As ever an exception to prove the rule and two friends of mine followed through on a plan to be at Newgrange early one morning last week and actually did - fair play.

4. To Make a Move

We’ve all been there, somehow the movements of the person in question are more provocative and inviting than usual and you feel you may as well throw yourself into it, whether it be the end of the night or someone you have fancied for an age. Equally the stimulus for the beginning of relationships as well as the destruction of time honoured friendships, making the move is perhaps the most fundamental of all decisions made under the influence.

3.To Accept a Dare

This entry may unfortunately introduce a somewhat serious element into the list as dares when drunk can turn dangerous. Nevertheless people have ended up dismantling toilet bowls, having their hair shaved off and skulling the dreggs of everyone else’s drinks for money all with great comedic potential and effect.

2. To Converse with a Sober Person

This is a classic of mine, slow down speech, over enunciate very word, I will not have the bubble of my sobriety burst in my parents/relatives/employers face and I will purposely engage them so as to prove this point. Give up for the love of God, you’re on a sinking ship and basically just look stupid and people will slowly push their seats away from you with you too drunk to realise.

1. To Write a Complaint to a Bar about Your treatment by a Bouncer

The rejection you can’t comprehend, your exasperation at their refusal to let you in, your shoes that cost more than they earn in a night, the power trips they need to go on for a sense of self-gratification. Such poor pathetic reasons you look down upon the bouncer, whether he be odd or perfectly justified you fling accusations, threaten legal action and swear blind you will return the next day complaining to management. Reality - you barely remember your own name let alone what the man looked like or how many pubs you were actually refused from.